the vulnerable life vault

Lost 渺茫

2011-11-18T11:15:00.001+08:00

I feel so lost. Is like there is something that my heart desires, but I am unsure of what exactly the thing is. I know what I want and what my goals are in life, but at this very moment it is more towards me floating in a space, no directions, no destinations, nothing to be seen.

I am lost.

我，很渺茫。心里总有一些想要的东西，但却不明确。我早已定下了人生目标，我也知道我在生命中寻找着什么东西。只是，在这时刻我感觉到自己就像飘浮在一个无边无际的空间里，没指示、没目终点、任何东西都看不见。

我，很渺茫。

Space. Silence.

2011-09-28T01:41:00.001+08:00

I've always love the night. The silence and space that you have towards yourself, as if there are no boundaries to keep you where you are.

And I think. I feel that there are just so many thing that are still undone, but I don't know what are the things that were felt. That is the feeling where you think you know, but in reality you might not, or you've forgotten about it at that very moment.

Even if I were to make a list of the things undone, nothing would have came out as I don't even know if I know what they are.

Is like, you are out from your body, looking at it, knowing THAT body belongs to you, but don't know if your body feels hot or cold.

It is rather confusing and frustrating when you are facing this kind of problems, and yet you wanna know every little details with regards to it.

Now that I am even more messed up, mentally, which fucks me up to the max and somehow I feel that the limit is almost near, so near that I can actually foresee what might happen sooner or later. But I am holding back. I held back because I believe that I can overcome the obstacle in front. I held back because I know that it hurts. I held back because I might be wrong. I held back because I don't wanna make mistakes. But who knows what is right and what is wrong? Who is he or she to judge your rights and wrongs? Who will then judge he or she judging your rights and wrongs? The list goes on and it never ends. Never ever will. It is like an upside down pyramid structure, like MLM a.k.a. multi level marketing theory.

What is the next step?
Follow the flow and let the good times roll.

AJ out.

对爸爸的承诺

2011-08-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

上个周末回了槟城出席堂哥的婚礼，也是大伯的生日。晚宴后，我坐上了饭店大厅的沙发等着朋友来载我喝茶去。爸也在那里陪着我等。爸问我是否有跟表哥表姐联络，还问了我舅舅及舅母的近况。我就说两个月前我跟表哥表姐吃过晚饭，舅舅舅母的近况挺好的。我问了爸爸是否要安排到怡保探望他们俩。爸就回答说，让我安排了后再通知他，他还说妈在生时他曾经答应要带妈到中国去旅游，还说也答应了妈要一起到澳洲悉尼去探望舅公及家人，可是都办不到。当时我心里有少许责怪自己的感觉，为何当初不就自己安排让他们俩到国外旅游去；再想，当时妈妈的健康状况不乐观，才没安排他们出国。当时我也在想着应该是时候安排带爸爸出国旅游散心了。虽然没开口答应爸爸，可是自己心里已经有这么样的打算了。

爸爸辛苦了这么多年都没时间到国外去旅游，妈妈八年前身患癌症后，爸爸一直陪伴在她身边照顾她。而我这个做孩子的却帮不了什么忙的。现在既然妈已不在我们身边了，我也应该是时候安排带爸爸去玩玩了。这时我对自己的承诺，也是我对爸爸的承诺。

To please or not to please

2011-08-05T01:55:00.000+08:00

How am I able to please and yet do what I want without any hesitation?

How am I suppose to let one understand that I am mindful of the events which are happening around and prioritising the most important ones first and the least important ones last?

How am I suppose to worry less about "what if" and get on with things the way I want them to be?

How am I suppose to make one understand my point of view by just one sentence and yet sending out the message clearly and directly?

Am I thinking too much?
Am I not good at delivering messages across to listeners?
Am I having attitude problems?
Am I having face problems?
Am I facing communication difficulties?
Am I not making myself clear enough while communicating?
Am I who I am and being who I want to be?

Helplessly me...

2010-07-22T05:03:00.001+08:00

I feel so helpless being here. Well at least Mom knows that I came back from KL. Now she is resting at home. She is suffering so badly. I don't know what is exactly in her mind right now as she can't really express herself with words now. She can only pronounce single words like "xiao bian" (pass urine) and "baba" (the way she calls my dad) or "bu yao" (don't want). I just hope that she will start her journey advancing in life peacefully.

And guess what? The BEST ACTRESS in the world did it again! And again! And again! Last weekend when I was back in Penang to visit my Mom in the ward, she gave my Mom a head massage kononnya. This afternoon at about 11am, before I reach the hospital, when the hospital served patients tea break (today was hot Milo and sponge cake), she motherfucking smartassly ask everyone in the ward "Does anyone wants to eat the cake?" WTF?! HOI!!! Kanneh chao cibai! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS HER MOTHERFUCKING BRAIN WAS FUCKING THINKING? Is her fucking skull fucking filled up with shit? Oops, my bad. I think it is empty. Later in the evening, she then did another head massage. AGAIN?! Will someone please fucking get her motherfucking arse the fuck out of my life?

我世界上最敬爱的两个人：爸妈

2010-07-13T18:08:00.001+08:00

四个星期前的星期六下午，妈妈打了一通电话给我。接电话的当儿是带着开心的心情。妈说：“儿子，妈因为觉得非常的累，走几步路就会喘不过气来，所以叫你爸把我带进医院来了。而且你离开了槟城后，我就每一晚都睡不着的。凌晨三点钟起床上厕所后就睡不着了。”当时我真的不知如何来反应是好，只是呆了一会儿，问：“医生有说些什么吗？”妈就答到：“医生还没来，等他看了我的病情之后我再告诉你吧。你别赶回来槟城了，没什么大问题的啦！”爸就把手机拿过，说：“妈只是因为太累了，又没什么休息，才会这样的。好啦，没事啦，你也就别匆匆忙忙地赶回来了。”
隔天一大早回到公司，我就填满了请假表，告诉老板我妈现在的状况，请了假。当天晚上回到家后，马上就收拾了行李，准备第二天就开车回槟城。爸妈都不知道我会忽然间开车回去，就是不要让他们俩知道我会回家。
一路上，我心情总是不知道怎么的，不上不下，心里好像很烦，但又不知道烦什么的。抵达槟城后，把车子停泊在外边，提着行李就走进了家里。我打了通电话给我妈，探听她的位置及状况。原来爸已带她到 Cancer Link 去了。我当时也没告诉他们我已经回到家了，就把行李放进了房间，在客厅边看着电视节目，边等爸妈回来。当时我就不想他们又匆匆忙忙的赶回家。
没多久后，听见了爸平时开门的声音，当爸把门打开后，只见他们俩一面又惊讶又开心的样子，当时的我的心情更不知如何形容。爸妈俩满头是灰色头发，爸因为照顾妈而消瘦了。爸换了新的眼镜。妈妈因为病情恶化，瘦了一圈。妈的肺癌细胞恶化而扩散了，导致妈一直不停的咳嗽。平均每隔几分钟就咳嗽，而且还是咳得很严重。有几次甚至咳得妈喘不过气来，而爸就一直不停的拍着妈的背部，以便把痰咳出。好几次的，我都无能为力，自己感觉就像在袖手旁观，什么都办不到，有心无力得不知所措。当时的我脑海里漂浮着：“我是否多余的呢？”好几次的，就是想要尽一份力量帮忙，可是又不知如何来是正确的方法。就只是看着爸在妈身旁细心的照顾她，而我身为他们俩的独生子却又帮不了什么，唯有就是每当爸叫我到厨房去倒水给妈，我就立刻大步大步的把白开水拿给妈妈。
整整一个星期在家里陪伴着他们俩，让我有了足够的时间慢慢的事情想清楚。二十七岁了，中学毕业都十年了，但就好像没什么成就的。唉！爸妈曾经告诉我说他们俩想要到中国大陆散散心，而我这独生子就是没办法让他们的梦想实现。是我自己无能为力吧... 不然早已让他们到中国大陆走了一趟。现在妈身上已患病，看来应该没机会让他们俩实现他们的梦想了吧。我还曾经想过要让爸妈到美国去走走，见见小舅及他家人。让两老感受西方国家的生活方式，见识见识西方国家与亚洲不一样的地方、东西等等。
我们的生活是否早已被安排好了？当我们被带到这世界时，就已经有个时间表、行程之类的东西，安排我们生活每一天、每一秒的遭遇、面对的问题事件。换句话说，其实当我们一出世，就应该有个方法、方案的计算法，来让我们预知未来，能未雨绸缪。但就是没人发觉、发现这方法、方案，而我们人类才会受尽生活带给我们的痛苦、悲伤等。
爸刚刚又来电了。妈因为肺部的肿瘤又再次分泌出液体、而导致妈今早发冷、发抖。爸带妈进院了。现在妈平均一个星期进院一次，我真的是不知所措。相信你们众读者都会觉得我应该放下一切、回到家里照顾他们俩吧？那我问你，你会希望你儿女因为你而放弃一切、事业、生活吗？理智的想想才回答。

爸妈一向都向善，为什么偏偏妈就要患上绝症？难道真的有前世、今生、来世的吗？难道妈前世不是一个善良的人吗？爸当然不顾一切的奋身照顾妈。虽然爸没埋怨辛苦疲劳，可是我却感觉到他真的很累。面对着一生中最爱的女人，辛苦疲劳也都变成了一种享受。我从爸妈的经历认识了真爱、认识了牺牲、认识了付出、认识了世界上最伟大的男人、也认识了世界上最勇敢的女人。

爸妈，我爱你们！

The Verge of Life and Death

2010-06-03T09:30:00.000+08:00

The day is slowly approaching itself towards me. Though I have never wanted to think of this day as I know when it comes, somehow I won't know how to face it with courage. It happened so unexpectedly on a Saturday and I seriously didn't know what to do at that very moment. Stunned with an empty mind.

How would you react towards this situation? When you are standing on the verge of life and death, what do you do? Life and death is just sitting next to each other. One small step you'll either fall into life, or into death. Having this opportunity, being beside my loved one, looking at her so helplessly, being so close yet so far. Close meaning that she is anytime within my reach. Far meaning that being fucking helpless and unable to do anything to help. As much as you wanted to stretch out your helping hand, you can't as you are not familiar with what has been happening since you were gone years ago. How sad! How cruel!

What else can be done? I am not financially capable in many ways, I am not geographically capable in ways either, and to have a balance between the 3, it won't be easy. As easy as it seems, it still involved loads of small little frustrating complications. I believe I am not the only one who is facing this issue at this very moment, some others might have even worse situations that is dragging them along. I am glad that as much as I am stressed out here, there are still people around me who is supporting me mentally.

A few little mistakes and yes, say bye bye to the world. The feeling of standing right in front of someone you love, and yet you are unable to do a single thing to help, doesn't feel good at all. At that very moment I do feel that whether or not do I exist, it doesn't really make any difference. But then again I thought, my physical existence, my mental support, is strong enough to keep her up and running. I didn't really experienced the actual emotional reaction earlier when this happened to my granny, but now I do.

I believe and understand that there are many limitations towards us as humans and yet we are struggling to have a breakthrough in order to have higher achievements. Yes, limitations! It is not me myself that is putting all those limitations around, is just they are there to stop you from doing what you want. What do I call this you say? A test? Probably... A test to see if we humans are able to counter difficulties in critical situations whereby there are only 2 options to choose from and the options are:
LIFE and DEATH

Either option which you choose, will bring you happiness and the same time sadness. None of the above will have more happiness and less sadness. Which one will you choose?

Where do I go from here?

2010-01-14T02:28:00.000+08:00

In life, there are always times when we are uncertain of what were are currently doing, and we feel lost from what we will be doing for the time to come. I bet everyone of you readers will experience this situation at least a few times in life. This situation occurs whenever you feel that you want to move on and advance into a higher level: i.e. better lifestyle, better working environment, get a better car, plan for investments on properties, and the list goes on.

I seriously believe that non of you will want to remain where you are right now. Here's a scenario which we should ponder about. "Look back in 5 years time and say: Hey, I am still where I am 5 years ago! I feel so happy!" Is this what we want? I doubt so. Human beings are born with greed. Greed is "build-in" when we took in our very first breathe and cried while the doctor whacks out bloody butt (literally).

Some people misused this "build-in" quality and hence it becomes one of the 7 deadliest sins of mankind. Here is a few more things to ponder about:

1. Do you want to be better than the others?

2. Do you want to be better than your current self?

3. Do you want to have a team working under you?

4. Do you want to live a better life?

5. Do you want to drive a better car?

6. Do you want to own more than one property?

... and the list goes on... you get the drills.

*Note: This will derive into our "wants".

IF your answers to the above questions are "YES", then welcome to Greedville. See, those are positive greed which I belief everyone of us will have. And in order to fulfill those greed, you will start to think of ways for yourself to achieve them the soonest possible. You start to work harder and smarter than before, you start to plan your financial, you start to tell yourself "I am better than who I was yesterday!" every morning when you look yourself into the mirror. Congratulation buddy! You are doing the right thing to build a better you for a better tomorrow.

Though, there might be a minority of them out there that will answer "NO" to the above questions, which I don't blame them and I don't even have to rights to do so. If these minority community feels that they are better of remaining as they are, may God bless them.

Here's the realistic part. There is another minority community that will answer "YES" to the questions, and yet they don't want to go through the hard way. They would rather use a faster way to achieve what they want in life, hence crime. This small community of people uses various trick irregardless of other people around them, will do whatever it takes as long as they get what they want. Snatch, rob, kidnap, killing, murder, lie, fight, blah blah blah... and yet these people somehow are able to escape from the law and authorities. Ironic isn't it?

So I've been in the Event's Management industry for about 6 years now, and I am enjoying what I do. Though to be very honest, my passion is in the Food and Beverage industry. I would love to move on and advance in the EMind as I am ready to venture into marketing the EM services. I doubt that doing freelance is an ideal option as it might be clashing against my permanent working hours. But then again, I will not say "NO" as and when there are opportunities awaiting for me to grab them.

The door of opportunity is now open and I am trying to enter and see what awaits me behind it.

One of my 7 deadliest sins is empowering me...

This is how we sould think, and this is HOW THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD THINK AS WELL...

2009-12-11T09:03:00.003+08:00

This indeed a great article for many fellow true Malaysian to read.
When in school we learn simple things like " Together we win, Divided we fall"

This is a very good article from a younger generation and a great granddaughter of Tunku Abdul Rahman.
A very well expressed opinion of how all Malaysians should be treated.

IF THIS IS THE VOICE OF YOUR YOUNGER GENERATION IN MALAYSIA , YOU WILL BE BLESSED.

Sharyn completed her Diploma in Advertising from Taylor's College, and then left motherland to pursue her BA degree majoring in Media Studies and Anthropology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand. While waiting for her graduation in May 08, she interned briefly at M&C Saatchi Wellington, a global advertising firm. Upon returning to Malaysia, jobless and relieved of rent payments, Sharyn stumbled upon Wild Asia through The Star which sparked her interest to learn more about nature and environmental causes. Armed with a communications background, Sharyn works on the Wild Asia website and editorial, translating geek terms into laymen language, easily accessed and understood by visitors regardless of their backgrounds, be it scientific, business, the arts or just plain interested.

By The Tunku's Great Granddaughter

This is a great piece. She has all the qualities of her great grandfather. Tunku has reason to be proud of her!

Tunku Abdul Rahman's great granddaughter Sharyn Lisa Shufiyan, 24, Conservationist
Both my parents are Malay. My mum's heritage includes Chinese, Thai and Arab, while my dad is Minangkabau. Due to my skin colour, I am often mistaken for a Chinese.

I'm happy that I don't have the typical Malay look but I do get annoyed when people call me Ah Moi or ask me straight up "Are you Chinese or Malay"

Like, why does it matter? Before I used to answer "Malay" but now I'm trying to consciously answer Malaysian instead.

There's this incident from primary school that I remember till today. Someone told me that I will be called last during Judgement Day because I don't have a Muslim name. Of course, I was scared then but now that I'm older, I realise that a name is just a name. It doesn't define you as a good or bad person and there is definitely no such thing as a Muslim name. You can be named Rashid or Ali and still be a Christian.

I've heard of the 1Malaysia concept, but I think we don't need to be told to be united. We've come such a long way that it should already be embedded in our hearts and minds that we are united. Unfortunately, you can still see racial discrimination and polarisation. There is still this ethno-centric view that the Malays are the dominant group and their rights must be protected, and non Malays are forever the outsiders.

For the concept to succeed, I think the government should stop with the race politics. It's tiring, really. We grew up with application forms asking us to tick our race. We should stop painting a negative image of the other races, stop thinking about 'us' and 'them' and focus on 'we', 'our' and 'Malaysians'.

No one should be made uncomfortable in their own home. A dear Chinese friend of mine said to me once, "I don't feel patriotic because I am not made to feel like Malaysiais my home, and I don't feel an affinity to China because I have never lived there.

I know some baby Nyonya friends who can trace their lineage back hundreds of years. I'm a fourth generation Malaysian. If I am Bumiputra, why can't they be, too? Clearly I have issues with the term.

I think the main reason why we still can't achieve total unity is because of this 'Malay rights' concept. I'd rather 'Malay rights' be replaced by human rights. So unless we get rid of this Bumiputra status, or reform our views and policies on rights, we will never achieve unity.

For my merdeka wish, I'd like for Malaysians to have more voice, to be respected and heard. I wish that the government would uphold the true essence of parliamentary democracy. I wish for the people to no longer fear and discriminate against each other, to see that we are one and the same.

I wish that Malaysia would truly live up to the tourism spin of Malaysia truly Asia. Malaysians to lead - whatever their ethnic background. Only ONE NATIONALITY MALAYSIAN. No Malays, No Chinese, No Indians - ONLY MALAYSIANS. Choose whatever religion one is comfortable with.

Remember it was Dr M & UMNO who destroyed Tunku's Malaysia.

MERDEKA
MERDEKA
MERDEKA

有心无力

2009-11-10T20:16:00.002+08:00

Here i am, waiting for my Indo Mee to be cooked at De Maju Nasi Kandar, and yes, i'm alone here. Just got off from work, will be heading home soon to rest as there will be another event setup later at 11pm. That's the life of the events management industry.

There is just too many things that i wanna do, i wanna experience, and i wanna complete, blah blah blah... At this point in time, i do feel that somehow somewhat i am incompetence of making everything happen. You asked me why? Well see, there are 101 things that i wanna do, but yet there are only sufficient time for me to do maybe 50% of everything, or sometimes maybe lesser. The incompetence feeling derives to another feeling, which is irresponsible. I want to do something but yet i can't, because the door of opportunity ain't open for me.

Today is an unusual day for me, honestly. Being as unusual as can be just make me feel like i'm not being myself. Somehow i feel that this is not who i am. This is just the fake me being me. See, the fake me doesn't even know what to blog about, therefore all these emo craps are coming out.

Has anyone really thought of being the perfect person on earth? But how many can really achieve it? I am one of those who tries real hard to achieve and am still trying. But there is just so much that i can do. Anything else that would be able to assist me in that aspect, i wouldn't say "NO" to it. But i do believe one thing which is nothing is easy. In order to achieve a certain thing in life, somehow you gotta sacrifice the other. So i am, and i never ever regret of doing it. Gosh this isn't what i wanna blog about?!

Anyone who knows me, i would love to hear from you. Here's a favor that i am requesting: list down both good and bad things that you know about me. And i mean EVERY SINGLE THING!!!

Damn i can't continue this no more.....

Improvements or Changes

2009-09-26T01:23:00.003+08:00

How would you define improvements? Will improvements lead to changes?

Or should it be the other way round?

How would you define changes? Will changes lead to improvements?

Honestly sometimes i feel that both are connected in a way. In order for you to improve, you will want to change how you are. And in order to change from who you are into someone better, you will want to improve yourself.

Does the statement above make sense? Okay, it might make sense to a certain community of people who thinks the way i think. But others might just say that it doesn't make any sense at all as both improvements and changes just doesn't link at all. Well of course if you look into the dictionary, the explanation of these two aren't the same. But if you apply them in reality, it does.

Just think of this and digest it. Then try to ask yourself this:
1. Do you want to improve yourself? What do you do in order to improve yourself? Do you change certain things about yourself?

2. Do you want to change yourself into a better person? What do you do in order to change into a better person? Do you improve yourself in certain ways in order to change yourself into a better person?

I am currently undergoing the above process in order to be a better person, for myself, and for my love ones. The only thing that i know i need is time, and i am unsure of my own capabilities, but i know that i can. I know i'm more than who i am, and i will want to go higher than who i will be.

Sounds silly huh? Well that's how you motivate yourself to fight for a better future in every way.

Again, this is just how i see it. It doesn't mean that everyone has to agree with it anyway...

Something i shouldn't share but i guess this is the only way to let it out

2009-09-07T22:34:00.002+08:00

Here's something that i really don't know who else to turn to except for my blog. I guess this is what people call commitment? Or should i say it is purely my own point of view of what commitment means?

There are times when you do things, as usual, like a normal daily routine, right? But because you are so used to doing it daily, it just doesn't hit you that what ever that you are doing, might hurt someone, or make someone mad. So i guess, and well i actually hope, that i didn't do anything that got into other people's nerves. I just hope that life will get better as i grow up, and not the other way round.

The thing is, as you've been so used to doing it over and over again on a daily basis, you don't even realize what you've done is totally wrong if someone other than you sees it. For me, i am still me, and i'd say that's what i do everyday, i guess. And if that doesn't seem right, i would love to be told off.

Okay anyway, i really really hope that i am doing the right thing, and IF i happen to do anything wrong, there will be someone to enlighten me of the mistakes that i've made, therefore i will realize and not repeat it ever again. I guess no one wants to repeat the same old bloody mistakes ever again right?

Sorry if i did anything wrong, and whoever that knows it please please please tell me what i've done so that i will not repeat the same bloody thing again.

I think i'm not thinking straight again. Geeez......

Thanks.

Doha, Qatar

2009-08-30T14:15:00.006+08:00

Here's my first trip to Doha, Qatar. My flight was at 0415 hours Malaysian, but I had to check my luggage in 3 hours before the departure, which is 0115 hours. Lucky me, I got a surprise from someone (*smiles). Without that, I guess I'll be dead bored in KLIA. The flight took approximately 7 hours and finally I landed at Doha, Qatar at 0630 hours Qatar. Surprisingly, 6:30am here in Doha feels exactly like 1:00pm in Malaysia. How weird...

I'm a little confused on the time difference between Malaysia and Doha. It does take a bit to get use to the time difference. Well, thank God that I have a cozy hotel room all by myself, and this is really awesome. Well, almost awesome, something is missing, someone is missing, that is.

I went out for dinner with Ralf, a German colleague of mine, and we ended up in a Moroccan Restaurant in somewhere called "SooQ". They serve good food there. I was thinking back then, if that kind of concept will work in Malaysia. It would be great to have something exotic in Malaysia but I'm still unsure if the Malaysians will accept the kind of concept that they are having here.

The place that I'm staying in is really comfortable. The Room Service called me up this morning to check if I would like to have breakfast as per my order yesterday morning. That was unexpected. I guess the Malaysian hotel industry should learn from them.

One thing which I felt weird was that the water tap was functioning a little strange. Those that we have in Malaysia is more of like left is cooler while right is warmer. It is the other way round over here in Doha, Qatar.

It is good to have new exposure while working. Something that not everyone will have a chance to experience. I do have more photos to be uploaded but somehow I guess blogger doesn't want me to share too much of my precious experiences here.. Haha.. Well...

Later readers of my blog! Cheers to that!

Loving someone

2009-08-27T00:53:00.004+08:00

I'm not even sure if i have the right to blog about this. But i guess that's what blogging is all about, right? Well...

I've heard lots of people telling me about their relationship, how small little things are affecting the relationship their in, how unhappy they feel towards it, how confusing or how complicated a relationship can be. I guess the key is to PUT YOURSELF INTO YOUR PARTNER'S SHOES and you'll realize that it ain't that hard after all. See the main reason of all the problem occurs is that one is over protecting their partner. They are too afraid that their partner will betray them, will meet other new guys, and all the other craps which i feel pointless mentioning about them here.

My point is, when you love someone, you want them to be happy, right? Or else why would you wanna do all sorts of bullshits to impress them, to surprise them, to make them happy? Ask yourself this simple question:"Why would you wanna celebrate your partner's birthday with him or her?" Here's the answer:"You want to make them happy especially during their BIG DAY!" So if you wanna give happiness to them, there are just too many ways to do so and not just by giving presents and bringing them to superb fine dining restaurants on their birthday or valentine's day or anniversary. It is more of a daily basis that one should take into consideration in order to give happiness to their loved ones. Freedom is very important in a relationship i'll say. Don't tie your loved ones up by your side day and night. If they wanna go out with their friends, let them. And don't keep on calling or texting them asking where are they, who are they with, what time are they going home, and such. You can be concern, but don't be a bugger that bugs them to leave early and stuff. IF you have a valid reason to ask them to do so, state it. And make sure that the reason that you give is bloody for their own good, and not just purely because you don't want them to be having fun with friends outside while you're stuck with work or you're grounded by your parents.

I always believe in trust between a couple. How would you be happy if you don't trust your partner? On the other hand, how would your partner be happy if you don't trust him or her? Try putting yourself into your partner's shoes and think, how would you feel if your partner doesn't have trust over you? Will you be happy if your partner is doubtful of you? F*ck no!!! So why would you wanna be in control of your partner? Okay, being in control MIGHT make you feel happy and secure in a way, but please think of your partner's feelings. Have you ever think about how would he or she feels when you are just over protecting? That is somehow barricading your partner up in your world, and not letting him or her out to be with friends, or to know new people.

I always see it as a balance of freedom and spending time with each other. When it comes to work, honestly one can't do much about it but to work, or else how the hell are you gonna be able to support yourself? When your partner wants to go out with friends or party, you should allow. It's okay for you to know where your partner is and who is he or she with, but not until the extend whereby you keep calling or texting to ask what time is he or she going back, why does your partner take so long to reply you, why ain't back at home yet. These negative and unnecessary questions will annoy your partner, and as a result will be pissing off. I don't know how often do you feel this, but i've been through that and i don't wanna get back into that kind of shit no more.

I mean, look, what's the point of arguing when you know it will not have a positive outcome? Why would you wanna argue with your partner over matters like this? I say that you should be more concern about your partner's feelings, and understand why is he or she doing so, and not asking your partner to be your puppet. Arguing ain't the way to solve a problem, instead, both of you should understand each other and know what each other wants, then, you should tolerate whatever that you're unhappy about of your partner. Relationship is always a give and take situation. One have to learn how to understand their partner, and know how to tolerate with everything. This will make life easier for both of you. A piece of advise from me is, DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE TO DO THINGS THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO DO. Of course you will have all your so-called valid reasons to back you up with your statements, but think rationally, are these applicable towards every single individual? Not all. Here's a simple example: You like to drink coffee, but your partner might not like coffee and instead, tea is the favorite drink. So will you push your partner to drink coffee or would you rather let your partner enjoy tea while you enjoy coffee? Yes, everything happens for a reason and being that, always try to give yourself a simple example of the current situation that you are facing, and think again by linking it to your relationship, and somehow you will find that it is easier for you to understand and digest it.

I am not a saint, in fact, no one in this freaking world is. Everyone makes mistakes, and the most important thing is try whatever you can not to repeat the same mistake again, if you can; or at least minimize it. I am also still learning and hopefully one fine day I will be able to "master" this skill. It ain't easy but as long as you put in effort to learn, you will have it at the back of your hand one day. So don't give up just because of small little matters which can be solved. There might be times when you try everything within your possibilities and yet you still can't seem to find the right solution towards it. Take time. Give you yourself and your partner some time to adjust and to blend into each other's world. And when you finally manage to do so, I'll say you both will be a very happy couple.

Well, that's how life is.

烦

2009-08-12T21:14:00.002+08:00

已经好几天了，不晓得为什么还是那么的烦。东西大致上都还不错，只是觉得工作方面不太顺利的。不管再怎么的试，也不见得有好转，依然照旧的，没改变。每天起床后，总觉得不想上班，只想一个人闷闷的呆在家里。因为一直都觉得一旦踏入办公室，压力就不停的朝向我方攻击。有时甚至觉得没了呼吸的空间，非常的辛苦。两个星期前，以为那了假期，回了槟城一趟就会什么都解决了，结果还是一样，完全没有改变的。

其实啊，如果能把问题一一的摊开，慢慢的一个一个去解决，应该还好。但事实上可不容许我这么做，凡事都要快快快，天啊，我可不是机器人乜，我倒是个平凡的肉体生物，体内流着鲜鲜红红37度的血呢！真的希望科技已发达到任何时间都可以将头脑从新输入知识、记忆、资料等、把过去没用的全都洗清光的，那该多好？

虽说做人应该往好的一方看，可是，那不就等于逃避现实了吗？我们做人不是应该勇敢地面对一切吗？生活嘛，是不公平的。就因为生活那么的不公平，我们是不是应该为自己讨个公道？
不懂，其实我也不太清楚自己在说些什么，唉... 心烦嘛，不晓得应该怎么发泄，大喊？飞车？哭？笑？发神经？真的不知道应该怎样是好。

忽然间太多东西在我脑海里不停的旋转，不停的出没。哇！这可不是在玩着抓迷藏呢！

我真的真的很想忘掉所有，除了家人与朋友以外，其他的一切都不想要。跟父母到一个没人认识我们的地方，从新开始生活，会不会更好呢？这样我倒觉得自己非常的自私，父母都有自己的朋友，不应该跟随我到陌生的地方。

哎，怎么办呢？

Love VS Like

2009-07-30T03:02:00.008+08:00

The other day i saw a friend's status on Facebook highlighting:

"Define love and like, what is the true reason being together? Then what if you love that person but ironically when you be together with him/her you don't feel happy? What you should do? Leave him/her? Or stay on and just let it be?"

What do you think of this? How would you know if you love someone, or do you just like someone? How does "like" develop into "love"? Sometimes the feeling goes beyond, which becomes "responsibility".

I personally think that "Like" is totally different from "Love".

"Like" is a feeling that a person develops towards the counterpart who he or she meets and feels comfortable sharing things with each other, big or small, serious shits or crappy stuffs, and so on. So, in order for someone to LIKE another one, they gotta have a mutual attraction in order to trigger the chemistry between them.

Why would i say that?
How would i define mutual attraction?
Here's a simple theory towards my statements:
Think about this - Will you even talk to someone if the he or she does not appeal to you? If the person's appearance doesn't even make you turn your head, will you even give a f*ck if he or she is tall, short, good looking, blah blah blah?
On the other hand - You WILL definitely turn your head towards someone who is: tall, good looking, LOUD, talkative, blah blah blah...

All these mentioned here applies to both sexes, be it male or female, even she-male reacts the same towards this. Here's a real life example which i experienced few months ago when i was working in Philippines for an event for 2 months. There's this she-male who works in a barbecue stall at the food zone, who, whenever i walk pass or whenever i'm near to the stall, will hook shim's eyes onto me, as if i'm the prey that shim has longed to swallow me down. I'm telling you, this is f*ckin' crazy! Although i keep long hair, it doesn't mean that i too am a she-male. It is just a f*ckin' weird feeling that - gays and she-males are attracted to me. WHY?! Where are all the females? Honestly speaking, i don't mind having gays and she-males as friends, but when they look at you in a different way (everyone should know what i mean), it just gives me the chills of wanting to get far away from them. I am proud and can officially announce that: I AM A GAY & SHE-MALE MAGNET.

Liking someone, makes you wanna talk to that person, be it casual conversation, or serious discussions. You feel comfortable being around that person or vise-versa. You will never ever feel the stress whenever interacting with this person that you like. However, you will not have this urge to want to see this person often. It will be more of like whenever he or she calls you out for a drink, or maybe accompanying that person to buy something at the mall, go have a walk in the park, you wouldn't say no as long as you ain't occupied. You will only take the initiative to ask this person out once in a blue moon. For those who have spend more time with each other, you might advance into asking he or she out weekly or bi-weekly. You MIGHT miss this person at a certain period though. All these interactions between the two individuals sometimes lasts forever. It can remain as it is until the day either one person takes in the last breath. The feeling of liking someone SOMETIMES might develop into an advance stage, which is what i am gonna talk about next. The ratio towards this possibility is about 50% i would say.

What is Love? How would you define love? When loving someone, the feeling is totally different from liking someone. When you love someone, you just want to be part of them. You want to know about their life, you want to understand the pain and happiness the person is going through, you want to share the joy and sorrow of the person, you would do ALMOST everything to make this person feel better. Why would people say 2 become 1? That is when you devote yourself into the person's life. That is when you decided to go all the way for that person. That is when that person becomes a part of your life. That person IS a part of you. When you love someone, you will have the urge to see this person ALMOST everyday. This urge is far more stronger than the one that you have towards the person that you like. You will want to protect this person from being harmed or hurt. You will want to make sure that everything that the person encounters are smooth and easy. You will do whatever it takes for the person to live a better life. You would want to know every single thing about the person that you love, and this is when you will want to have total control over the person that you love, which always turns out to be A BIG F*CKING MISTAKE!!!

You love someone, but you don't control someone. When you control someone, that is when you don't love that person, but you manage that person. You are the master and he or she is your slave. So, ask yourself now, are you loving someone at this very moment? Or are you managing someone right now? Try to put yourself into you counterpart's shoes and feel it, will you be happy if someone is controlling over your life? You somehow become a puppet and you have to do whatever that your master tells you to, be is standing, bending, blah blah blah...

Loving someone it to respect that person, understanding what the person needs and wants. Don't ever control someone or else you'll just end up having someone leaving you behind all alone. Pushing your counterpart too much will annoy them. When you wanna find out something about him or her, do it in a very subtle and indirect way, at least by doing that they will feel less threatened when asked by you. Every individual has their own freedom and privacy hence option to whether sharing their stories with you or not. Whenever YOU want to get something from someone, try stepping into the person's shoes. All you need to do is just to spare a minute for you to feel what the person feels IF things like that happens.I always believe in not to interfere in others privacy even if the person is your wife or husband.

I really can't get a hold of people who wants to know every single thing about their partner. What is there to know about? What if you do know every single thing? Won't your life be even more miserable than it is now? Super controlling freak is a killer! So, don't ever control your the other half because you wouldn't like it if the person does the same back to you.

Well, i hope that whoever reads this doesn't feel offended as all the mentioned above are purely based on my personal feelings.

Cheers!

Match Making

2009-07-26T18:28:00.002+08:00

I didn't even thought of doing this. It all happened last week when I asked if Kelvin and Ethan wants to follow me to Mist Club to meet a friend on Friday night. Initially both Kelvin and Ethan were hesitating whether to go or not to go. Finally both of them decided to cover their naked asses and tagged along with me. I then called up Tiffany (the girl who I was suppose to meet) and we met there after a little too long of waiting.

Everyone was kinda having fun with the influence of music and alcohol. I was of course going with the flow... Things were kinda pumping up a but too fast due to the alcohol-after-effect. And that was when me and Ethan started noticing "things" around us.

It was moving a little too fast as I said, but looking at the situation, everything seems to be fine even up till now. I guess I made a right choice of inviting Kelvin and Ethan to follow me to Mist Club.

I met up with Kelvin earlier and I told him that I am happy for them, and I really glad that I finally did a good deed of match making 2 friends of mine. Well, I've done my part as a friend to a friend, I've always wanted to do so but there just wasn't anyone who is suitable for Kelvin. I've done my part in introducing Tiffany to him, and hence they are a lovely couple now.

When will someone in return do the same thing to me as I did towards my lovely couple friends? I really wonder... Ponder ponder ponder

Spacing out for the mind

2009-07-06T22:48:00.002+08:00

I haven't been doing this for quite sometime. I realized that chilling out at a not-so-packed starbucks with my laptop and a self-enhancement book is really a good way to peace out my mind, give space to it, let it breathe for once.

That is why I've always wanted to get a house of my own therefore I don't have to stay with strangers who I don't know. I don't really mind staying alone, as long as I have my own space, which I think is the best meditation to my right now. I even visualized m dream home and I would say that it ain't really a dream home, but just that I haven't got the capabilities to achieve it now. Nonetheless I know that I want to stay in a comfortable chilling environment, and I will definitely work towards it. I think starbucks with less patrons will see me more from tomorrow onwards. Which also means, that I have to spend more in order to get a peace of mind. Who says money ain't everything huh?

Tolong-menolong

2009-07-03T23:47:00.003+08:00

We always hear the government asking us, Malaysians to have to courtesy to help each another whenever in need. And honestly, we Malaysians are one of a kind I would say, we are special in a way.

Whenever the leader of the country is "promoting" our country, they stress so much that we Malaysians are friendly and helpful. I do agree that we have both the qualities that were being mentioned, but we apply our helpfulness in the wrong way.

Let me just start of with what I experienced the other day, I think it was somewhere last week when I left home for work as usual at 8:45am. Once i turned into LDP, I was literally STUCK there. I knew I was gonna be late for work that very moment and I was hoping to be wrong so that I'll have time for breakfast. There wasn't anything that I can do except for moving along with the crawling traffic.

After crawling like a snail for approximately 30 minutes, I finally reached the underpass to Bandar Utama. And guess what? As I was passing by KDU, I noticed a tow truck on the emergency lane and there was a car on tow. And, the main fucking reason for the traffic congestion all the fucking way from God knows where right up till KDU, was that all the HELPFUL Malaysians were kind enough to HELP LOOKING AT WHAT IS HAPPENING and thus slowed down the whole traffic flow. Is this what they meant by helpful? TOLONG-MENOLONG ANTARA SATU SAMA LAIN?! What the fuck is this?? I seriously have been noticing this not once, not twice, but God doesn't even know how many mother fucking times I've seen assholes and bitches slowing down their vehicle just to see what's happening by the road side.

Why can't these HELPFUL people be more considerate about other road users? Don't they fucking know that other people might be in a hurry too? Why the fuck would they wanna slow down their car and check out the happenings? If they really wanna do so, why don't they just fucking pull over and take their own balls licking sweet time to do whatever they wanna do? I don't think they fucking own the road, do they?!

Sometimes I really wonder if these people left their brains at home while coming out to work.

boredom

2009-05-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

i haven't really felt this for a long time. well not ages long but for sometime now. it has been rather busy towards end of last year, i guess it was because of the event that happened in Manila, thus i was somehow occupied with it. Anyway, having extensive of private time does give myself enough space to think of the happenings around me, the past, the present, the future, and the goals that i wanna achieve.

my point is, it ain't good to be too free, or else you end up thinking of too much, nonsense sometimes. Somehow by doing this, it's a killer to some people, but i ain't the one =) i tend to act more positive than i was before now days. look at things positively, somehow it is just the way of the way i look at things. but then again, sometimes things aren't just as perfect as we want them to be.

I have somehow been complaining about my life... It seems to be monotonous and i'm really sick and pissed off at it! I really wish that something exciting, some miracles will happen and not just stay as it is now...

Life

2009-04-23T23:30:00.002+08:00

Does everyone has a life of their own? Or do they actually live it under someone else's nose? Do we determind who we are or do we just follow some f*ckin trend that some smartass started? How do we look for a life that belongs to ourselves? Every single f*ckin individual should have their own special and unique life, and not live like how others do. But how would you know that the life that you are living in right now belongs to you and it is specially and uniquely yours? I really wanna find the life that belongs to me. I don't wanna live life like how the others do. It feels like somehow you are duplicating them. This ain't right man! What kind of life am I living in right now? Ok here's my daily f*ckin routine: Wake up, work, meet up friend(s) for drinks, sleep, wake up, blah blah blah... and it goes on and on and on... no f*ckin clue when the f*ck is it gonna end!!!
Gimme a break man!!!

Economy Downturn

2009-03-16T23:03:00.003+08:00

How does the economy downturn affects the whole world? I don't know how others thinks, but basically to me, it means more crime, more fights, and war will soon begun. Why? Ask yourself then, what will you do if you desperately need money and yet you can't find a job AT ALL?! Some people will say "Keep on looking for a job", but others might not think the same way. This is the result of retrenchment and jobless people trying to survive.
Sometimes i find myself at the verge of giving up to life, and that is when i ask myself to cool down and look at the big picture from a different point of view. It does help when you pull yourself out from where you are, and try to see it in a different way. It makes you realize how vulnerable life can be, and how cruel it can treat us no matter how much have you contributed to it. You playing your part, trying to make the best out of the life that you're in, and yet until the end of the day somehow you'll still be f*cked one way or another. How is this possible? There's nothing fair in this world and everyone has to face it in the end.
I am in a very unstable situation right now but i still live with it and trying to make the best out of this motherf*ckin' life. But am i secured by doing this? I don't f*ckin' think so. Before you know it, you're already falling of the cliff and nobody can f*ckin' safe you.

Life goes on...

2009-01-19T12:44:00.002+08:00

Working in a foreign country ain't something easy to cope with. There are people who can't adapt to the whole culture shock and eventually gave up working abroad. Well I would say that the past 53 days (up to date) has been rather some exciting experiences for me. These experiences that I'm talking about help in both life and career. And I honestly feel happy that I was the chosen one to work here.
Manila, The Philippines. A place where normal people will not even think of coming here for a vacation. I never thought of coming over to Philippines, not until I landed my feet on the ground of Clarke Field in Pampanga, a province 2 to 3 hours drive from Manila. This whole working period has changed my perception towards The Philippines. The 1st week working here was rather monotoneous. But after a while when I started to know people here, those who worked in the theme park, I realized that Filippinos are rather friendly. Even yes there are communication breakdowns between the conversations, we still managed to troubleshoot problems that we encounter.
Life is seriously so different here in The Philippines, compared to Malaysia. Filippinos have sweet tooth, thus everything that they eat are mostly sweet. Food, drinks, chips, pops, etc etc are all sweet!!! Pork is the main meat source here. Of course you'll be able to find fish and chicken, beef and other meat like hot dogs. They barbequed those meat before serving them. It seems like barbeque is one of the favourite ways of cooking of the Filippinos. After that will be deep fried. You can hardly find vegetables here in The Philippines. Not much of them eat vegetables. Rice is a daily MUST. 3 meals of rice a day AT LEAST: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Alternatively they have rice as supper. Unbelieveable?? Believe it!!!
To all CHILLI / SPICY FOOD LOVERS, do not come to The Philippines for a long period or else you can never survived. I was surprised that FAST FOOD CHAINS DOES NOT SERVE CHILLI SAUCE!!!!! Anyfood that a Filippino feels super spicy, it was like mild peppery to me. Whenever I asked for chilli from a waiter, and when I start eating chilli, I can see their eyes popping out of their skull. I believe everyone knows what a California Maki Roll is right? Can you believe that a Filippino California Maki has mango cubes in it to make them taste sweet?!
The currency here is rather small. But I seriously don't understand how do Filippinos cope up with such high living standard now days. Every meal that you eat will cost an average of 50 pesos - 100 pesos. Lets do simple maths: 45 pesos = US$ 1 = RM3.50. Therefore, 1 meal in The Philippines will cost (Php 50 / 45) x 3.5 = RM3.80 averagely (rice + 1 dish ONLY). I don't know how do they cope up with such high living standards as an average Filippino earns around Php 600 per day. So, an average Filippino earns Php 18,000 per month, which is RM1,400 per month. WTF??
I understand why are there so many Filippinos trying their best to get out of the country to work abroad. Life is hard here in The Philippines, someone told me. Well isn't life hard everywhere now days?
I feel like I'm in America. The vehicle driver's seat is on the left side, thus they drive on the right lane and not on the left like Malaysians do. Spending money in hundreds and thousands makes me feel like i'm living in Beverly Hills. Gosh...
The average age of a Filippino getting married or pregnant is from 20 to 23. Thus you will be able to see lots and lots of young parents walking around the mall with their kids. And, lots of girls here are single moms. I was really shocked when I learned that a 19 year old girl is already a mother to someone. Gosh ain't 19 a little too young to be someone's parent? I bet that she can't even take care of herself.
Filippinos are generally friendly people. I made lots of friends with the other staffs working in the Dinos Alive! World Tour event. These are the people that I spend my free time with, my meals with, and they are the ones that keep me accompanied when we go out. Very very chatty people I must say. I just can't believe that I have to leave this place when I'm starting to get use to the whole Filippino thingy.
I guess that's what life is all about. Life goes on. At least I manage to make friends here, and I know that they'll be here for me the next time I visit Philippines. Eventhough the time that I spend here is short, about 2 months, I treasure those time working with friends here. I learned a lot through talking to them about life, work, etc.
No matter what it is, where we are r what we do, as long as we keep in touch and I believe that one fine day we will meet again.

Manila

2008-12-11T10:43:00.002+08:00

Manila, this is the 1st time i land my feet here. People here are nice, friendly i would say. I've been here for almost 2 weeks now, working of course. Things have been going on quite smoothly, but I'm still trying my best to learn everything i can here. Filipinos eat lots of meat, and they like sweet taste mostly, and that is the only reason why i don't really like the food here. I tried a few of their local delights, but then all are chicken, pork, fish, etc etc which taste sweet. I haven't got time to really go round town yet, as i've been busy working. Stucked on site basically, but i will make time to visit some places before i fly back to Malaysia. I feel like being in Beverly Hills as the currency here in rather small, and everything goes by hundreds n thousands. There are fine girls here (hehehe i'm a dude okay?!) and somehow they are more daring than girls in Malaysia. If they like you, they will tell you straight in the face. I guess you should understand what i'm trying to say right? Well, that's my whole summary of Manila (up to date) and I do hope that I get to see more before i leave.

Dinos Alive! Tour Manila 2008

2008-11-24T22:47:00.005+08:00

Day 01

I wouldn't wanna talk about what happened on November 23rd 2008 as that wasn't a good thing to remember. I packed my stuffs at home, it was around 2am on November 24th 2008, and I made sure I took all essential stuffs along with me as this is my official 2nd trip overseas after graduation. Well if you wanna take all my trips overseas into consideration, it ain't that much after all. 1st was Bangkok at 3 years old, 2nd was Singapore at 10 years old, 3rd was Bali Island in 2007, and now here I am, Manila in year 2008. Abdullah, an old uncle who drives cab for living, picked me up from my place at 3am. Boy he was punctual!!!

Along the way to LCCT we chatted a little, shared some experiences, it was a good journey from home to the airport. After I reached LCCT, I went through the standard thingy that all people will do when they are boarding for international flight. There! How amazing it is that I can somehow cut everything so short?! Cool huh?!

I dozed off not long after getting into the aircraft. The next thing I know, I saw a sweet looking island far below... I don't really know what island what that, but I'm gonna find out and I might wanna get my ass onto the island. When we were gliding above The Philippines, I saw loads of tiny little houses and roads underneath, too bad I forgotten to take some photos of them, I'll make sure I remember to do so when I fly back to Malaysia.

As I landed, I was "collected" by Mang, our local driver here in Manila. He was a chatty guy, even though it was a little hard to understand some of the things that he said, we still manage to have conversations along the way. It took us about 3 hours to reach Pasay City, Manila. Guess what?! I was so fuckin' dumb that I thought the passanger's seat was on the left, like Malaysia. Mang was laughing at me for being such naive. Gosh that was embarassing...

And you know what I saw on the way to Pasay City? MEXICO!!!!!

Life here in Manila is so different from Malaysia. I really feel that every single country has their own culture, and that is something that I really wanna understand more.

The Oldest Bridge in Manila

The Day has come

2008-11-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

As happy as the day can be, I feel that this has been the most normal birthday that I've ever had. I met up with Ethan after having dinner at Devi's in TTDI, and we went over to Mc D's at Mutiara Damansara to have a drink and started doing song composing that we've been talking about but nothing has ever happened. Finally we started off with something. Ethan is working today at 4am in the morning, thus he left around 10pm last night. I continued rotting there for another 30 minutes before heading back home.
The only thing in my mind back then was to continue watching the Hong Kong drama - Journey to the West, acted my Dicky Cheung. What else can I do on my birthday eve? I don't feel like spending unnecessary money. Watched that drama until around 4.30am then only I felt so bloody tired and I had to smash my head onto the pillow. Time does fly... I woke up becaused of a phone call today, it was from my Aunt back in Penang wishing me Happy Birthday. After finishing the conversation, I looked at the time an it was alreary 4.30pm... WOW! I slept for 12 hours on my birthday! Guess what?! I continued watching JTTW until around 6 plus then I headed into the showers to get myself cleaned up for dinner. I met up with Fooker T at Asia Cafe; at that very moment I felt so hungry and I ordered Sashimi and a Lamb Shank with Pasta. God that was damn filling! Fooker T ordered a Chicken Lasagna and we had some cock-talking sessions.
And now? I'm at Segafredo Sunway Pyramid. This is a very 1st chillin' birthday that I've ever had and man does it feel good. I wouldn't mind a company or 2, but no matter what it is, it is just another day. It doesn't matter if it IS your birthday or not, if you're happy, everyday IS your birthday, right? Special occations is just another marketing strategy opportunity to others.

Kings of Tennis

2008-10-20T18:55:00.002+08:00

I've never been in sports events before. This is my 1st ever experience working for sports events and I really learned a lot eventhough it has only been a week. I am required to travel a lot working here, and I think that is kinda what i've been looking forward to do. All these while i've always wanted to travel around the world, see new things, meet new people but somehow i just don't get to do it as the most important thing is, travelling required a lot of money. But when it comes to travelling for a company that you're working for, that makes a lot of difference. Accommodations and meals are covered, transportations are covered, basically what you will spend on is additional entertainments or additional stuffs that you will buy. If you're a good financial controller, you won't even be spending a single cent.
I'll be heading back to Penang somewhere this week to work for a tennis event. The Kings of Tennis. I can foresee myself as a jerk walking around the venue, doing nothing but wondering as if i'm lost. But i guess that is also how i can learn new things. Rather than getting things all sorted out for me, i would love to experience new things by myself. I'm gonna be working extremely closely with an event consultant from UK, and my boss wants me to "Stick close to her like glue". hahah well i guess i will do so in order to learn new things. Ain't it awesome working with non-Malaysians? I guess it will be an exciting experience for me. Wish me luck!

3rd day working at Total Sports Asia Malaysia

2008-10-18T19:27:00.003+08:00

Tasks are slowly given to me. I know that my boss does expects something from me, and i am really glad that he is so willing to teach and guide me along the way even if he is fuckin' busy with work. At times i can hear him mumbling to himself and cursing with the strong British accent of his. It does feel strange that for so many donkey years of my working life, i've always been attached to M'sian Chinese companies, and i do admit that my brain ain't working like it is suppose to. One way or another, the creativity is limited and most of the time even if you are allowed to bring up new ideas and innovations, at the end of the day the idea will still be put aside. I was working through tasks assigned to me for the whole freakin' day, thus i really don't have time (like i used to) to surf the web (Facebook, Friendster, all my webmails, etc.). People in the office uses GTalk by the way, but i did spotted my boss has Skype installed in his laptop. During my induction with the HR department and also the IT department on my 1st day, i was being told that we are not allowed to surf websites for our own leisure, non other that work related activities. Lucky me, i spotted 2 colleagues today, 1 surfing Facebook, the other surfing YouTube. Well, i did surf the net for my own leisure, but that was AFTER WORKING HOURS (7:30pm i guess). It is indeed a funny phenomenon that when you are really occupied with work, you won't have ample time to surf for shit. The only thing that goes through my mind was work, work, work, and work.
Oh yeah by the way, i am using a company laptop and that laptop belongs to me as long as i'm working for Total Sports Asia Malaysia. I was asking my boss earlier if i will have to bring the laptop along whenever i go outstations or overseas. "Yes! It belongs to you and you can bring it wherever you want to. You can bring it home, take it with you over the weekend, it doesn't matter as long as you take good care of it..." WOW! i really didn't expect to be given a company laptop. Well the reason which my boss gave was reasonable. "I don't see the point of an events personnel using a desktop." We are constantly moving around and the one and only way for us to be in touched with the company is through emails. I am pretty sure that when i'm up in Penang for the pre-event setup of Kings of Tennis - Big Bang Penang, i will have to send daily reports to my boss via email. That is the one and only way to keep him in the loop of the ongoing progress of the event. I most probably will be heading up to Penang next Monday, which is October 20th 2008. I will be driving another freelance consultant who will be flying all the way from UK for the event. She will be the Event Manager for Kings of Tennis - Big Bang Penang, there will be another lady working as the Logistics & Venue Manager, and i will be the Assistant Event Manager, who will be assisting both of them in any event if they need help or assistance. My boss keeps reminding me that i will have to stick close to the Event Manager like glue in order to learn whatever she knows, so at least when there is another similar event, i will more or less understand the event more than anybody else.
Have you ever been praised by your boss before? Well i did today, and FUCK YEAH DAMN the feeling feels ABSO-MOTHER-FUCKIN'-LUTELY AWESOME!!!!! This is a total different experience from what i've been through ever since the 1st day of my working life. And i can tell you very honestly that i'm fuckin' lovin' it! Geez i'll say that i won't be able to post every single fucking thing that has been happening but you'll probably see more to come!

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A new beginning - 1st & 2nd day working at Total Sports Asia Malaysia

2008-10-18T19:15:00.003+08:00

I am suppose to write this last night, oh well what the heck?! I officially started working in Total Sports Asia Sdn Bhd (TSA in short) on October 13th 2008, Monday (which was yesterday by the way).
It was an absolute different experience from working in a Malaysian company. I heard of orientation on the 1st day of work, but instead of the normal orientation, i had some interesting induction sessions with different Head Of Department (HOD in short) in the company. The HR brought me and another newly joined staff around the office to introduce us to the other staffs working there. To be honest, i can't really remember all of them, just a few though. 1st day of work, what do you expect? Well, don't be too sure about that. I was already given briefs about what i will need to do in the very very near future, and god the stuffs that i'll be handling is not some peanuts or vegetables, damn those are like priceless goods, well of course there are some other people literally handling it, where i will need to overlook the whole thing. More towards checking on their jobs i would say.The overall was a good outcome, colleagues were friendly, but i believe i will need some time to blend into the new environment and new culture. Man it ain't easy finding someone whom you'll click with. So there, we spent the whole day being brought around the office to meet other colleagues, as well as the Chief Executive Officer (CEO in short). Sports related events, something really new to me and i will have to pick up things as fast as i can or else i might not be prepared for the upcoming events this year end. My 1st experience working with non-M'sians was awesome! The impression built inside me is really unexplainable with words. There are colleagues from various parts of the world, talking to each others in the same language, but different slangs and accents. I too have to really brush up my language - English or else i might just be left out. I found out that the company has their own "intranet" which acts almost like an online community, where you are allowed to post blogs, discuss about issues/topics in its built in forum, update your own profile, make a hit towards someone who you might have a crush with. I'm not to sure if it allows us to share files/folders i.e. musics and videos but then again it is really cool to have something like that in the system. Staffs' contact details are all stored there, for you to get a staff's details, just type the name of the person who you wanna look for, and hit the "Enter" key, and WALLA, his or her name appears on the screen! I noticed something during my 1st induction session with the HR, which is i will need to provide my passport number to them. Thus, i was digging and digging around my room just to find my passport but unfortunately, i didn't.
Anyway, I didn't believe my eyes when i saw that one of the stalls at the cafeteria, Fusion Pasta or Pasta Fusion either way, SERVES SEGAFREDO COFFEE!!!!! OMG that is like heaven!!! The best roasted coffee in the whole fuckin' world in now in the cafeteria of the office that i'm working in?! ABSO-MOTHER-FUCKIN'-LUTELY AWESOME!!!!!

Today which is the 2nd day of work, i'm already sitting in for a meeting to discuss about the next big event end of this year, which will then stretched till January '09. This event will not be held here in Malaysia, instead, it is scheduled to be in Manila, Philippines somewhere late October for setups. And guess what?? I might have a chance to travel over to Manila to see the rigging process and other pre-event setups and preparations. Initially i wasn't scheduled in the visit to Manila for the event, but my boss wants me to be there so that at least i will know what's going on, and i won't be confused when someone asks me about the event. He wants me to stick really close to the on-ground consultant who is already in Manila by now thus i will be able to learn as much as i can from him. It might be the result of me having the 1st working experience with a non-M'sian company, and therefore i somehow feels fresh and exciting about the whole brand new experience thing. But i am really glad that whatever is happening right now is the reality and not just a dream. Years ago, i did wished and dreamed of working for a foreigner, preferably a non-M'sian establishment. Who knows that came true?!

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Am i ready?

2008-10-12T23:29:00.001+08:00

Few more days to go, and i'm gonna be in a whole new community, honestly i can't wait for it to happen, but yet i don't know if i'm really ready for it. Seems like one of my dream is finally coming true. I was in Pangkor Island with my bunch of colleagues earlier August if i'm not mistaken, and we were riding our rented motorcycle around the island. We stopped by at the Kuan Yin temple, and i prayed and wished that everyone that i know will do well in everything, my parents will be healthy, and i will get a good job offer soon. I think one of my wishes came true, and pretty soon i'll be working in a company that i've always dreamed of - a foreign company. Yes i totally didn't expect that to happen, but yes it did! I'm really happy about it, my parents are happy for me, my relatives in the States felt the same way as well. I've always tell myself that opportunity doesn't come around knocking at your door, asking for you to grab it. Instead, it will flyby and you will have to be the one knowing how to grab it, and don't let go. I don't know if you're an Eminem fan, but i'm sort of a fan. If you're one, i'm absolutely sure that you've heard of his song called Lose Yourself which goes:"You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you want it you better never let it go! You only get ONE SHOT, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime..." That was what i had in mind all this while, and i really believe in that. I will say that it is my career advancement opportunity and definitely i have to grab it, or else once it slips through my hand, i don't know if i will have another opportunity coming for me.
I am kinda happy, but then again i'm rather scared as i'm afraid that i might not be able to cope up with the whole new thing that i will have to adapt myself towards. Like i always say, nothing is easy at the beginning, but once you've got them in hand, you will find that things are starting to flow along smoothly, well of course there must be certain guidance or directions given, or else its gonna be like banging your head against the wall blindly. Its a lucky thing that i have my parents, relatives and friends to be there for me whenever i need someone to discuss issues that i faced and probably give me their opinions as a guidance and advice.
I know that there are certain expectations toward my performance, and that is what i'm really worried of. I am afraid that i might not be able to give them what they expect, thus i'm not up to their standard. If that really happens, i can tell you that i'll be in serious deep shit. Gosh life is so hard and it is really full of obstacles. It ain't easy to get myself through this life, but i know i will have to go through it no matter what it takes. My folks aren't working no more, and pretty soon i will have to take over the commitments that are still currently taken care of by them. Mom retired because of her health situation, and dad retired because the former company that he was working for offered him some silly ass fucked up package and expects him to take it up. C'mon man, is that how you treat your staffs? I don't wanna be secretive, he was offered whatever a fresh grad is getting, extremely low pay, fucked up benefits, what else? That ain't the right way to treat someone even if they are at the age of retirement, right? Hell no man! Even though they are at the age of retirement, they still have the experience that no one else has, which i personally think that is an asset to the freakin' company. What a douche bag son of a ball licking cunt sucking ass hole fucking donkey raping shit eating bitch! Useless pig fucker! I never ever paid respect to this kind of dumb ass and i never will. Geez...
I really have to get myself prepared for the future of my folks, and also for myself. I don't wanna see my folks living in a boring life, i want them to travel to places, see different things, experience things that they have never done before, eat new food, meet new people, understand new culture, blah blah blah... Therefore, i will have to be their financial supporter if i really want that to happen.I really don't know when will that be but i will work towards it, and i want it to happen in the very near future.
If you've read my previous post about the difference between a local company and a foreign company, you'll be wondering how different can they be, right? Okay, here's the thing, i was receiving emails regarding the things that i will have to do even before entering the company. And i got my new email! How cool is that? I really appreciate what i am given, and i'm gonna get the best out of it!
A small little part which i did in order to get myself prepared for the switch, is that i bough myself a new camera phone. At least i will have something that i can snap photos whenever i see interesting events around the market. I've been in Penang since Tuesday night, 30th September 2008. Got a slightly longer than usual holiday before i switch into the new company. Even though, tasks have been given to me and i'm somehow struggling to get them done. Its not that hard actually, but then again time plays a very important role in order to get things done.
Geez, it actually took me few days to complete this blog post. In a blink of an eye, tomorrow will be the 1st working day at Total Sports Asia, i don't really know what to expect, and i don't wanna assume things because "Assumption is the mother of FUCKED-UP!!!" It is a quote of a very good friend of mine and it has been in my mind since then. Wish me luck and i will get the best out of it.
Cheers!

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view from home

2008-10-04T11:34:00.002+08:00

A total different experience

2008-09-27T13:12:00.003+08:00

Here i am, in the process of moving on to some advancement, and honestly it has been some anticipated moment, and i'm starting to feel the difference even before the actual switch is done. As what i just read from my uncle's email, it is gonna be a total different experience for me and i will have to grab this one-time opportunity. "We only have one shot at this opportunity to suceed!" That's what my uncle said. True, and that is how i feel too. My parents are happy for me, and so are my relatives in the States. At this very moment, i really feel like listening to Eminem's Lose Yourself.

The thing is, the working way of a non-chinese foreigner is totally different from a malaysian chinese. I don't mean to talk bad about malaysian chinese, hey i am a malaysian born chinese okay? If i were to talk bad about malaysian chinese, i think i won't be able to survive for long after posting this blog. Okay, back to my story. What is the normal practice of a company to their "future employee"? Normally after the whole interview procedure, it will be the contract/appointment letter signing session, right? And if i'm not mistaken, THE person will only get a personal company email after a while working in the company, correct me if i'm wrong.

The Switch

2008-09-18T18:21:00.003+08:00

It has been some time since i moved on. Well, i've done something which i can't regret, and i do believe that i won't be regretting of the things that i've done. After all, its for my own good, how bad could it be? I don't see it any worse than what and where i am now, in fact, i feel better and more relief that before. Making up my mind was a tough choice though, it took me quite some time to decide what i want, and where would i wanna be. Options aren't much though, but at least i considered about it for a period of time, talked about it to friends, and my parents, and of course i was the one who gave the final decision as i am gonna be facing the consequences for the days to come, so i don't see why does other people have to decide for me when i can do it by myself. Gosh it was really a tough one, though i managed to give my final answer.
The feeling wasn't good. I felt really uneasy for almost 2 days, and i feel rather bad because i know i have the responsibility to finish up what i've started, and i would honestly loved to end it by myself. Unfortunately, it wasn't up to me to decide if i wanted to complete it or not, i was in the situation where by its either i take it, or i leave it and don't even hope to get it again. Opportunity comes only once in a lifetime, sometimes it just doesn't come at all no matter how hard you try to get it. Hey, opportunity is totally different from option, correct me if i'm wrong, but that's the way it is. So i was kinda stucked, like badly, and i've got no one to turn to, at that very point my mind wasn't cooperating and i was at the verge of breaking down. Geez how could i ever expect myself to feel that way? I really felt like the devil side of me was fighting with the saint side of me. And, i was really facing a hard time to think straight, all that i know i was rather messed up, and i can't focus on what i was suppose to do.

On the day that no matter what i takes i will have to submit my R letter, i went through a hard time deciding when is the right time to submit it. At the end of the day, when it was about 9pm, finally i got the chance to hand in the letter R to my superior, and it was kinda weird doing that. But i had to do it or else i would have to wait for 2 weeks to do so.

Decisions have been made, actions taken, and there's no turning back. Its an one way ticket for me and i am not gonna regret for what i've done. But, i'm rather relief now, at least i feel much better than before. In fact, i'm looking forward to the switch, and hopefully things will go on smoothly for me.

Necessary VS Unnecessary

2008-09-09T09:32:00.002+08:00

How does one knows whether things done are necessary or unnecessary? If a person were to save money, will he spend on unnecessary things like organizing a meeting outside of the office when he can actually do it in his own office? Well honestly i am not him, so i have no say on what he wants to do. But from my point of view, in fact from the point of view of most of the people that i know, things that he does is just so unnecessary. It is like, stripping off your pants and fart. Get it?!

How to be head-hunted?

2008-09-05T22:54:00.001+08:00

I always hear friend saying about being head-hunted. But i myself never experienced that before, and i honestly don't know how does that fucking feels like. I bet it feels good as the person being head-hunted will somehow be extraordinary, or the person is like a pioneer to some company. I heard about friend's friend working as a head-hunter, and their job is to go around, hunting for people who excels extremely, and offer them something much more better than whatever they are getting currently. Wow!!! That is like WOW!!! That's abso-mother-fucking-lutely awesome!!! Can you imagine someone walks up to you, and tell you that you are wanted in this particular company, and the boss is willing to pay you like double of what you are getting now?? Geez... I bet those head-hunters won't want some Tom, Dick, or Harry to work for the company that they are currently working for, but only those who are out of this world, from Mars i think. I haven't encounter anything like that, and i don't think i will get a chance to feel that kind of pride this life.
I do wonder how does it feel to be "WANTED" in a good way. Wow! Holly fucking hell man!! How am i suppose to not be a Tom, Dick, or Harry, but be someone that other companies will not look for, but hunt for?? I'll say there will only be like ONE out of a million people will be the target of head-hunters. Correct me if i'm wrong, but it is like only 0.1% someone will get to be head-hunted.

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courage, bravery, and faith (or is fate a better word)

2008-09-05T22:31:00.001+08:00

how does one differentiate between courage, bravery, and faith? do you act as you want or do you wait for the right moment? and how would you know if its the right moment? i don't wanna do something and regret of what i did for the rest of my life, but i also don't wanna regret for what i didn't do, which i should have done, for the rest of my life. i know it is complicated, and i know it ain't easy as these are like turning points which once you've done it, you are unable to turn back. there are lots of things which i am still pending, and at certain point i don't dare to decide what to do. There are consequences which i will need to face once i made up my mind... CONFUSION STATE EXTREME!!!

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Fairness

2008-09-05T22:22:00.001+08:00

What is my current plan? Honestly I can only say that I will continue to work here, finish up this project that I'm handling now, and hope that I will get a better offer later when I really decide to move on. I always feel that I am not up to the company's standard, always trying my best to coupe up with my tasks, but yet I don't seem to be catching up quite well. Whenever I feel that I can fit into the job, something surely screws up. Like what happened today, I thought that I am well prepared for the upcoming roadshow this weekend, but it turns out to be that the speech that I sent to my MD for approval, has an updated version and I don't even know about it. Well, partly I will say its my fault not asking whether are there any new versions of the speech, but then again, why can't my superior update me with the amended speech? Yes I know that I have to show initiative in my job, but how much can a person do? I am not Superman or Mr Fantastic, I'm just another ordinary young man who is trying very hard to achieve my goals in life. Why are there people who can easily get what they want, even without doing much, not even committing to things that they do? Sigh, all I can say is that those people are blessed with wealth and fortune when they were brought to this world. These people should feel thankful to their lovely parents who worked their ass off during their younger age. Why did they do that? To ensure their next generation - The Lucky Bastards to have a better life to live in. I am thankful to my parents because they brought me into this world. They too worked their ass off before getting married, in order to ensure that I have my studies, and to live in a peaceful life without facing any difficulties. That is why I always tell people that you shouldn't be celebrating your birthday on your birthday, but to spend time with your parents, especially your mother. Why is that so? This is what
typical people will ask me. The reason is, if it wasn't for your parents, you won't even exist in this world today. And if your mother would have given up to carry you around inside her body for 9 fucking months, you wouldn't be here today. But there are some smartasses who thinks that they know it all and say "Nonsense-lah you!!!"

Sigh, I can feel that I'm drifting away. Anyway, I don't know if everyone is facing this kind of problems, but I truly feel that I am treated rather unfair, work wise. I am only an assistant, I know. But that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. That doesn't mean that I don't need assistance from my superior. In fact, I need more assistance than anyone else as I am new, and this is my 1st fucking job in the event management industry. So, ain't I suppose to get more attention than any other people who are more senior than me? I am not demanding for attention, but I am talking about having the right guidance, someone senior or more superior to guide me along the way, so that I know where am I heading to, and not moving around like a blind cow, or should I proudly call myself a blind Dick Head?? I know that this current world that we all are living in, YES, WE. You are reading this shit that I am typing, aren't you? Yeah, this world has never been fair. Everyone is not treated equally. But at least can I get a right guidance at work? Despite the fact that I don't have a correct senior to guide me through this project that I am currently handling, I will just have to bare with the consequences that I will bang against the wall every time I do something, and I will be fucked by my boss. I am learning things, THE HARD WAY!!!

Life.. LOADS f sighs needs to be given to life that I'm going through now. Both of my parents aren't working now, and I am the only person in the family who's working and sooner or later I'll have to bare the survival cost of the 3 of us. I don't have any siblings, and that is rather difficult for me to bare with. With barely 2k a month? I don't think I am able to sustain the living cost of the whole family. I called up my mom earlier this afternoon and found out that she's sick. I can hear straight from her voice that she's not feeling well. She told me that she was sick, having fever, flu and cough, the usual sick package that is. So I was telling her to go on mild diet, yeah and she knows what to eat and what not to eat alright. After talking to her, I called up my dad and asked him what actually happened to my mom, not that I don't trust her, but sometimes she does hide things from me. I know why she does that. The reason for her hiding things from me is because she doesn't want me to be worried about her. Well, so I asked dad, and he told me the same thing that mom was coughing for the past 2 days, and she didn't get to sleep well, as a result she's now sick and weak. Well that is all fine until dad told me that she ate some medicine that my uncle gave her. Those medicine that my SMARTASS uncle gave her, was brought into Malaysia by some of his brilliant friends who I don't even know who the fuck they are, and is said to be good for health. DIRECT SALES PRODUCTS ARE GOOD FOR HEALTH?! Oh fuck off! I was fuckin' pissed at that very moment! I asked my dad if my uncle tried it or not. And guess what?? HE DIDN'T!!! WHAT THE FUCK huh?? You idiot trying to be nice, giving unidentified medicines to my mom who is sick, trying her fuckin' best to hold on to life, trying her very hard to fight with her cancer cells?? Are you our of fuckin' mind? How fuckin' sure are you that those fuckin' medicines that you gave my mom is good for her and won't cost any harm towards her health? She ain't normal people like you and I you mother fuckin' piece of shit! She's special! Special people needs special treatments! Not some fucked up direct selling medicine that "claims" to be good, but in fact not fuckin' one ever tried it before!!! Fuck no man!! That ain't the fuckin' way to show your fuckin' concern to your own relatives, especially to those who are sick!! Jerk off you idiot! Go fuckin' try those smartass medicines on your fuckin' wife or your fuckin' son, and if they show no symptoms at all, they you might wanna try those ass lickin' pills on your fuckin' self!!! I just don't fuckin' like the balls lickin' concept of those fuckin' direct selling companies!! I've been to some so called "drinking" session of direct selling companies and I know what kind of fuckin' cunt sucking tactics they use onto their own staff, in order to get them into their mother fuckin' agency, and start asking their asshole staffs to start from people around them, like friends and families. What the fuck is wrong huh? Is that the way to do business? Come tell me that there is ONE company that will share on how to win lottery and start from friends and families, that I will accept, but not selling fuckin' pills to people who you are close with!! Treating my mom as a laboratory mice?? No fuckin' way you dog balls sucker!! Honestly I feel fuckin' pissed and I am still pissed off at that prick!! Go FUCKIN' try those pills onto your mother-in-law and father-in-law and see what do they say about your good fuckin' deed?! I just don't fuckin' understand why the fuck did that smartass balls licking cunt sucker uncle of mine would do such things to my mom!! He graduated from some University in Taiwan, WOW!!! Some university graduate he is?! Fuck the world man!!! That ain't something that a university graduate will do, right? Or is that what mother fuckin' university graduate does in order for them to prove that they are REALLY SMART?! I would wish that someday he will be fucked by an elephant!!! I seriously don't fuckin' know what the fuck is he trying to prove!! Being concern is not by giving unidentified pills that have just been brought into Malaysia to your relatives!!! Try it on some animals, that might just do the trick, but not onto your own relative. I don't fuckin' care if he does it to his own fuckin' family, but not on my family!!! I don't know what the fuck will I say the next time I see him, but if something goes wrong to my mom, I will beat his fuckin' ass up!! I just don't understand why after studying for so many years and yet he is still doing stupid things as if he's an undergraduate!!! What fuckin' education did he went through? FUCK!!!!!

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Malaysia's 51st National Day, August 31st 2008

2008-09-02T09:46:00.003+08:00

This bloody blog has got nothing to do with the title that I created. Anyway, the past weekend was a wonderful weekend for me, though it was short, only 3 days, but it was a good one for me. I drove home after work on Friday, August 29th 2008. I departed from KL after work, which was around 730pm when i officially left sungai buloh's toll. It was a boring journey though, driving for 4 hours all alone, no one to talk to. Eventually i reached penang at about 1130pm, and i decided not to go home till later as if i do, my parents would have wake up and make a lot of hu-has about be going back without informing them, my mom would have been over-excited and she might not be able to fall asleep again.

So I went out meeting a primary school friend of mine for a drink, and we talked about life and stuffs before heading back home to sleep. Mom was shocked when she saw me the next morning she woke up. It was a surprise to her, part of the plan. It was precious time spent with my parents, and unfortunately happy times just doesn't last for long. They fly faster than any other time flies. Sigh...

Still Hanging

2008-08-19T09:44:00.001+08:00

Still hanging.That's my current situation and I'm extremely confused on the whole surroundings around me. I don't know what am I expecting and I don't know what am I looking forward to. All I know is that things have been shitty and fucked up. And, they are all screwing up my life.

I have never felt that twisted up before in life. ARGH!!!!!

Confession de original

2008-08-18T13:52:00.002+08:00

Wow, can you believe it? I just got back to work today (Monday by the way) and another 2 used-to-be-single friends of mine became attached. Geez... I was with a used-to-be-single friend on Saturday at One Utama and she ain't single no more. Gosh, I'm starting to feel left out. Hahaha what a jerk I am.

I finally discovered that people will not always be alone, it is just the matter of time, whether does your time comes fast or slow. I feel happy for those people that found their other half, but i too feel sorry for those who lose their other half. Sigh, the whole group of colleagues are attached and I'm the only one who is still single, damn?!

It is very confusing that I can do lots of things that I want during my single days, and yet still sometimes...

Chemistry

2008-08-17T00:22:00.001+08:00

How do you know when there is chemistry between you and another person? How will you be able to tell? By the way the person talks to you? By the way the person smiles at you? Or do you judge by the body language? I know that the feeling will be rather special and unique, but I haven't encounter that for a freak ass long period.

Life is full of thrills. Happy ones, sad ones, angry ones, frustrated ones, and so on. Have I encountered loving ones? I think I did, but honestly I don't feel that I was satisfied with it. I never experienced the kind of feeling where people will die for you, well, not till that extreme stage that is. I always wonder how does a girl feel whenever a guy likes her, and tries real hard to get her... Hmmm... I would love to try that one day (if that is possible to exchange body with a girl for a period of time). Geez, how does it feel to be loved?

I was hanging out with my friends today, 5 person in total including me, the other 4 person are 2 couples. Sigh, the feeling of looking at people being so sweet and cuddling each other, unexplainable. Then I asked myself, have I seen anyone that gives me the kinky feeling lately? Well... There are a few actually, but I'm not sure if that is the right feeling as it might be the reason that I've been attached for couple of years and all of a sudden I'm single again, and I'm not used to that feeling. I don't wanna be in a relationship whereby I just want a companion but I don't really love that person. It is so fuckin' unfair to her. Moreover it will be an unhealthy relationship if that does happen. It is nice to see people around me all getting together with the person that they love. How do I wish my day will come soon.

There are people who tells me that it is good being single, at least you're able to do anything and everything that you want, without anyone to question about your actions. But how long can someone stay single? Don't they feel all left out especially when others around them are all attached? I am starting to feel a little bit of that, but not until the stage where I'm all alone and I don't get anyone to talk to. I feel the loneliness when I try looking for friends to meet up for a drink and yet no one seems to be available. That is the time when I will ask myself, "Do I really need a girlfriend or do I just need a companion?" Ain't it a tough question to ask yourself when you're not certain of what you want?

Gosh this kind of thing is really killing me... I am sitting here now in a cafe, and there's this girl who I see as the outstanding one, and yet I'm not sure if this is what I am here for. But one thing that I am certain is that I would love to know her as a friend, get to know her, and the rest I will leave it to fate. No doubt I feel that this girl is standing out from the others, but I don't wanna make any moves, yet. Not till my face is more familiar in this outlet, then only I might see what to do next. Guess what? Maybe I'll just paste a photo of myself here in the outlet, and stated "WANTED FOR RAPING A CAR". That will be like a hit over the night.

Damn I'm abnormal. Why is this happening to me? I'm not desperate, I think I really miss the feeling. Not the being controlled feeling, but the lovingly cuddling feeling with the one you love.

I foresee that I will be single for the next couple of months, or worse, couple of years. On the other hand, I can fully focus on my career, and earn as much money as possible, get my parents a new car, get myself a new house, then only I'll really consider about getting a girlfriend, or companion, or whatever... A playmate would be nice, don't you think so too? =.='"

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Cross Road

2008-07-24T09:51:00.002+08:00

People walking across the road, without hesitation, without looking at the signboards, maybe its because they know where are they heading. As for my case, I don't really know where am I suppose to go, I can't see my destination, I can't see the signboard showing me the right road to take. I went up to someone asking for directions, but I haven't get any clear directions as they have to refer back to the map, then only they will know if they can show me the way to my destination or not. It ain't easy walking the path of life. Even if you can find your right path, and even if you are already walking on your path, you might still face obstacles along the way. I am currently walking on an unidentified path while waiting for the people that I approached to tell me the direction. I've asked some other people too but they are just so ignorance and not telling me a single word. It took me quite a while to continue writing here. I've been going through rather stressful life lately. It ain't easy for me, and I've been thinking quite a lot recently.

How do you differentiate options and opportunities?

So, my current situation = not an option, it is an opportunity. Or is it the other way round? See? This is how confused I am now!! I don't even know what the fuck am I suppose to do!! If anyone there is able to enlighten me. I'll be glad to listen to your guidance.

Ain't it weird whenever you want something, everything just doesn't seem to be flowing accordingly. But when you're satisfied with the whole thing, then you'll find that more and more of the similar things are flowing along the way. Work ain't right, life ain't right, financial ain't right, what the fuck is right man?!

Seriously I fucking with that things are much more simple that whatever it is now! At least I won't have to go through such balls pressuring period figuring out what the fuck am I suppose to do to continue to live and survive in this fucking world. The world ain't safe no more! Polutions, politics, crimes, racism, the imbalance of life, the fucked up attitude of those rich elephant ass licking fuckers, and those "I am mr know-it-all" piece of shit son of a bitch!! Who says Yin and Yang exist in this world? NO! They don't! Not anymore! The world used to be a peaceful place where all humanity lived peacefully without terrifying that someone might step onto their shoulder and point their cock in the face and say:"suck it!!"

What the fuck man?! Is this what we want? People are getting more and more realistic now days. Fuck y'all

Survival

2008-07-18T11:33:00.002+08:00

Day by day as we live our life, we face problems and difficulties and we tried out best to solve them in order for us to move on with our life. We can't live without money as of what the world has turned into, everything is about money and payment. Thus, our career is extremely important for us to keep up with the fast paste of the society and it is the key to our survival. As a result of the petrol price hike, most of the companies are trying to cut down their cost, thus some people actually lost their job because of retrenchment. I was reading the papers the other day and saw that there were about 600 Starbucks in US were closed down in order for them to cut down their expenses. So if that is the case, is moving on to another company the right choice now or staying put is a better option? Moving on is not avoiding to face our problems. Don't you think so? I'll say that moving on is somehow taking option B instead of option A. We have our rights to choose what and where to work, don't we?
Damn, my mind is messing with me!! Am I doing the right thing?

Appreciation

2008-07-03T20:41:00.003+08:00

Does anyone really knows how to appreciate what you've done? A simple "Thank you" or shoulder padding from the top means more than anything whenever you accomplished something. But to be honest, that doesn't happen among the Chinese educated community. A typical China men will act as if nothing happened and taking things that you've done for granted. It IS your job to do so and I don't have to thank you for what you've done. I'm paying you!
Yeap, that is the typical old fashioned China men thinking. Of all my working life, I've been with mostly China men bosses, honestly, my comments towards China men are not good and I don't think I will wanna expose more here. I don't foresee myself working for a westernize boss, but if there is a chance, I will move on to it.

Being positive, looking at things the etisoppo yaw..

2008-06-23T20:27:00.003+08:00

od uoy kniht siht yllaer skrow? i kniht sti nmad drah ot od os. Whoever that can read why I typed on top, good, coz you're just like me, trying to make the best out of yourself, and that is why we are doing the same thing. No?! Well, just treat my crappy blog as something you read to spend your free time. Well life ain't easy at this very moment, especially right after the hike of the fuel price. Everybody is trying so hard to earn money, and yet those money are all being used up one way or another. Once fuel price goes up, all the other things follow simultaneously. As almost every single thing requires transportation now days, food, goods, and everything in this god damn country will rise their price. Oh wait, every single thing except for one, which is our mother fucking salary, which might just remain as it is. Yeah yeah, don't complain as there are people who is not event earning what I am earning now right? Hell yeah I know about that?! But why do I have to compare myself to others when I have goals in life that I wanna achieve? I set targets for myself so that I know I must work towards achieving it, is that too much to ask for? Well I don't fucking think so. The only thing that I know is that now days, no matter what it is, money comes into consideration. Anything and every thing is about money! MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

How is it possible to see things from the brighter side when the reality ain't bright at all?! I don't think we as human beings should hide behind the bushes and keep on thinking that the world is beautiful and fantasizing "Tomorrow will be a better day". That is so untrue as everyone knows that life is miserable when you don't have money. So what's the whole fuckin' point of living when you are not even able to support your own daily expenses? That's why we must move on one way or another. Survival skills are non-humanity at all, but that's what we humans can do in order to get on with life. Day by day, life is getting harder and harder. I don't really know what will the world be in another 5 years to come. I don't even dare to visualize how "wonderful" this world will be.

Well, all that I can say now is that I am going through a tunnel, whereby I still can't see the exit. But I know that I will somehow find my way out and until then, everything will be better for me. It still sounds unrealistic though.

The Adrenaline Rush

2008-05-20T21:42:00.005+08:00

Things are messed up. I don't have a clue how to resolve the problem that I am currently facing. What is that? Oh in case if you didn't know, it is the kind of fucked up situation that I am currently in. I want to work smoothly, but it just doesn't seem to work out. This problem has been going on and off. Oh yeah, grievances is the correct word. Thanks to a friend who used this word, and I finally learned how to use it the correct way.

Mom went back to Penang today. I felt bad that I didn't see her again before she leaves. It really does feel bad as I don't get to see her often, and yet time flies so freakin' fast that the past 3 days was like a blink of an eye. I have been thinking about the question that my mom popped out to me last week, and I am getting more and more worried about my future. Basically, I think I am rather lost and confused right now.

I love the event management industry. But I am not so sure about the market in Penang. As my 1st event management job is in KL, and I am starting to get used to the kind of work that I am doing now, although it is fuckin' hectic, I am still trying my best to coupe up with it. I don't know if things will be the same as what it is now in KL, when I really go back to Penang. I know the switch will give me a tremendous imbalanced in life. Even though I will have more time to spend with my parents, I might still face difficulties getting a suitable job, or I might face problems like having shitty colleagues or fucked up boss. Yea, everything needs a start, but I don't know if it is necessary for me to do so. Honestly, if it wasn't for my parents, I think I won't be here in Malaysia right now. I might be typing this crap in some other countries.

My uncle asked me to go work for one of his friend in Brunei, or go China, Shanghai so that he can get me into some industry somehow. My aunt in the States asked me to go over there for vacation, well I did thought of doing that, then in the mean time I might be able to catch up with a part time job or something that I can earn my livings there. A friend in UK asked me to go work in UK, friends in Johor asked me to go work in Singapore. Cousin in Australia, he too asked me to go over there so that I am exposed to something new, rather than the same old fucked up shit here in Malaysia. I have plans to go over to the States with my mom, as dad said that the doesn't have a good impression towards the US, well what the heck huh?! The only thing now is that I will need to have a backup money for me and my mom to spend while we're in US, and not just stay at my aunt's home all day long and not visiting other places of interest in the States.

Dad has plans to go China and Australia with mom, that is really nice. Of course I do wish that I can go over for vacation with both of them. At least I got to go for a family vacation with my parents, since the last time which was like 22 years back when I was 3?! I've been thinking about work, life, future, and my family a lot lately. I came up with a conclusion that somehow someday I have to go back to Penang, be there for my parents whenever they need me. After all, I'm the only child, ain't that what the only child suppose to do? Some people might think that I am being a sissy as I always talk about getting back home to be with my parents. Sometimes people just gotta understand the responsible being the only child in the family. It is not easy as there are lots of things which me as the only child needs to bare with. Very soon I'll have to bare the living expenses for the whole family, mom, dad and myself. How the hell am I suppose to survive with not more then 2k monthly salary?

After discussing about my future and career with my family and relatives, I made up my mind to somehow give myself a solution for this problem, which is most probably to move back to my hometown. This way I can save up not only my monthly rental, but my petrol and other expenses too. I don't know if my plan will work, but hopefully it does, at least I will have a better future than now, I hope..

May 11th 2008, Mother's Day

2008-05-12T03:28:00.001+08:00

Today is mother's day. I called up mom in the afternoon to talk to her. She was complaining that her new cell phone's time is slower by 12 hours. So, I tried to teach her how to set her cell phone's time. I was going through the phone menu in my head, trying to imagine the menu sequence and at the same time trying to teach mom how to change her cell's time. We were going through it for like at least about 5 or 6 times but yet she still can't figure out how to do so. At last, she told me "My brain is very tired doing this!! I give up!! Do it for me when I see you next week!!" Sigh.. Mom's awesome!!
Later, I went over to Sunway Pyramid for a movie with a friend, The Slit Mouth Woman. At 1st we thought it was an awesome ghost movie, but upon finishing the movie, both of us came up with a conclusion that Japanese ghost movies are NOT worth watching in cinemas. Damn!!
After I reached home, I called my mom again, just wanted to talk to her on Mother's Day. She came up with this question "Aren't there anything or job that you can do in Penang??" Honestly I don't feel good after listening to that question. Being the only child, I'm not able to spend time with my parents due to work in outstation, not being able to spend Mother's day with my mom. When I left home to pursue my career in the big city, it wasn't an easy decision. It was so hard for me to make up my mind by then, I went through a very hard time to get myself used to the different lifestyle and environment.
I did think of going back to Penang to work. I am now undergoing my training in order to get myself ready for the real battle field. I feel that I don't have enough experience to move on to the next level yet.
Life has never been easy for me. I don't know if this happens to other people, but it hits on me all the time!! God damn!!! I HATE THIS WORLD!!
The unfairness of life never change!!!

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1st May 2008 - My 1st Official Offday during Labour Day...

2008-05-01T20:39:00.001+08:00

Don't know if you trust me or not, this is my 1st official offday during labour day.. I have been in the service industry for the past few years, haven't got any offdays during public holidays. Well, I have to work during new year eves, new year, and all other public holidays. STUPID ARSE!!!! Finally i got to be like a normal person, to get holidays like others, but under the circumstances of getting fuckin' hell lots of work to be done. I wanted to go back to the office today to work, but mom was stopping me from working as she said that "Labour Day is suppose for you to rest, YOU CAN'T BE WOKING ON LABOUR DAY!!!!!" Is there such a philosophy that no one can work on this day? I don't see anything special, just another good old public holiday, where all dumbass comes out to spend unnecessary money. Why? Prices during public holidays are normally higher than the usual. And yet there are so many people that are willing to spend money during public holidays.
Life has been weird, that makes me weird too...

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Collapes in darkness

2008-04-30T20:46:00.002+08:00

It has been few months since I got into handling this HUGE project all by myself, and seriously I don't think I can coupe up with it. Does this means that I'm not capable enough of managing this project all by myself? Do I need other people's assists in order to get things done?

I just got back from Malacca with my mom and aunties. We went down there to visit an uncle who came back from Cambodia for holidays. Well, my actual purpose is to spend time with my mom. At 1st my dad was suppose to come, but unfortunately he received a last minute photographer job (freelance) and he couldn't make it down to KL with mom. Sad it is. I thought that Mom & Dad will be here in KL, unfortunately he has to work, so I only got to see mom this trip. But its good to know that mu dad is still getting freelance job, that means he still has income in a way, not a fixed amount, but still its better than nothing. Freelance sometimes earn more that a fixed salary.

We went to Malacca, spend some time walking around the cultural street - Jonker Street. Every Friday and Saturday night there will be activities, stalls selling all kinds of varieties of stuffs, from food to souvenirs, to antiques. It was really a good experience with mom, I showed here a "Venice like" scene which can be found in Malacca. Honestly, if you took a picture of it, you will never guessed that the place is actually found in Malaysia.

Life has been rather hectic lately. The project that I am currently handling, is a new experience for me. Once I'm done with this project, it will beautified my resume in the future. But then again, there are too much of small little elements and I have no guidance at all. No senior personnel to teach me, just me myself, and the worst part is, my superior, is the kind of person that likes to blame her mistakes on others, and I am one of the victim. Sometimes she does careless mistakes, and I have to suffer the consequences that occur. Is this the corporate ladder should be? Or is it me that don't know how to fight for my own rights? Well, I am not the only one who got those shits from her, even our designers sometimes got to suffer from that as well.

I called up mom on Mother's Day to wish her Happy Mother's Day, and we talked for a while. Then out of nowhere, she asked me:"Isn't here any job that you can find in Penang?" I felt fucking bad when I heard that. I know that mom misses me, and I know that one fine day I will have to go back Penang and work, but I told her that it is not time yet for me to go back, as I haven' learn enough, and I don't think that I have enough experience to go into the real battle field. I want to go back to Penang, living cost is much lower that KL. I honestly feel more at home, food taste much much more better than food in KL. The Penang coffee is the best in Malaysia. I don't have home sick though, just that sometimes I really think of going back to Penang for a long vacation. But work now is hectic, and I don't even have free time for vacations.

My uncle asked me if I would like to follow him to Cambodia and work. Mom was there, and she said "Go ahead" without a second thought. But deep down inside her heart, I know she says "NO". I can feel that she wants me to be by her side whenever I can. Being the only child in the family is like that I guess. I have no other siblings to accompany my parents, and they are not working anymore, of course they tend to have more time to think about their child being so far away from them, and the only thing that they can so is to listen to my voice through the phone. I don't want that to happen either, but I've got no choice now as I still need to gain more experience and exposure, in order for myself to be prepared when I'm back in Penang to work. I don't know how long will I take to get myself prepared for the switch, but I looked forward to move back to Penang. But then again, I will have to really look for a suitable company to enter. Well or course the salary must be at least par with what I am getting now, or else I would say that the move is pointless.

I don't really know how is my career path gonna be in the future, but hopefully I can move along with what I have in mind. This is my 1st job in events / exhibitions line and I really hope that I can gain as much experience as I can from this company. Yes, complains will never end, but at least I know what I am doing or going through right now is beneficial for my future. But will my future be bright? Will I have my own career? Or will I just end up working for another typical China-Man who doesn't know how to appreciate what his staffs did for the company? Sigh, I bet even GOD doesn't know how to arrange my future for me.

I talked too much, till then.

Getting familiar with my new lappie

2008-04-27T23:34:00.001+08:00

I am trying to familiarize myself with my new lappie now... well, as cool as it is, I am still not used to its keyboard, there will be typo errors an and off. As I've always been using a desktop, this is seriously my 1st ever time to own a lappie.
Loved it sooooo much!!! Awesome gadget for a freak like me!!! You wanna know what exactly am I owning right now? Just logon to www.acer.com.my and you will be able to see my new toy at the main animated bar.

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Yin & Yang

2008-04-25T14:20:00.003+08:00

How does the life circle goes? If there are goods, there will be bads; if there are ups, there will be downs; if there are beautiful, there will be ugly. Why can't things be balanced?
Is there anyway that we can balance up the pros and cons of life? The Yin & Yang theory of the Taoist does make sense. How is it possible for life to have only goods and not bads? Sigh..

Imbalanced

2008-04-14T14:38:00.000+08:00

Work has been tiring lately. As you can see, I don't blog lately, sigh.. Well I'm not suppose to blog now either, but I can't help it as my mind is hurting, can't think straight now.. Gosh, the roadshow is like 2 weeks away and things are still pending. I haven't got sufficient time to finalize everything.
Gees.. I need help.

journey back through time

2007-12-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

I went to Malacca the other weekend with my girlfriend and one of her friend, and believe me that was really some experience for me since the last I heard of Malacca. We drove down on Friday after lunch, and we reached there somewhere around 5:00pm. After settling down at my aunt's place in Malim Jaya, we took a short rest before heading over to the notorious Jonker's Street. Guess what?! CHEAP & DELICIOUS FOOD!!! We walked quite a distance from where I parked my car to the destination, and were amazed by how crowded and lively Jonker's Street was!

Food were cheap over there, and loads of varieties too! All I remember doing was helping the girls holding bags and bags of food. After walking from one end to the other, we decided to walk back to this cafe cum pub which was featured in once a big time hit Hong Kong movie "Summer More More Tea". The place was named Geographer, a cool and cosy place to hangout with your buddies and mates.

The next morning after having breakfast at home, we head down to Malacca Town again for our journey through historical places. I parked my car at a river side amusement park, and started walking towards the Malacca Town, following the Malacca River. As we were walking along the river bank, we noticed that they have somehow semi developed the river bank, into a Venice-like place for public to walk on. Honestly speaking, this place does look like Venice in a way, IF you haven't seen the real Venice, that is. Surprisingly, we notice that there are still wild life living in that kind of environment. And they are the mud-floppers and monitor lizards. Gosh that was the 1st time I got so close to a monitor lizard in real life.

Later on when we were almost reaching the end of the river, which is the opening into the Straits Of Malacca, we found this hidden cyber cafe situated along the river, and it's called Riverside Surfing. From the outlooks of this small lil shop, it tend to look more like some Old English shop, but once you take a glance into the shop, you'll have this "Haiyah, why so Malaysian wan?!" feel in your mind. Not far away from Riverside Surfing cyber cafe, I found an abandoned shop which really caught my attention. This shop would have been a bomb for tourists and foreigners if it continued its business. There are only TWO words combined into this shop's name - Johnnie Walker. Such a superb place if it was still opened for business.

Later on, we met up with some friends who later brought us to places of interests in Malacca. Our journey was followed by a visit to the famos St. Paul's Church. It is really old but then again there are still lots of people visiting it. I can see that the government are refurbishing the place in order to maintain it, as a heritage place for future visitors to visit.

The picture on the right is one of the walls found in St. Paul's Church. Cracked, unpainted, but still maintaining the historical value of it. On the left, is a further view of the good old St. Paul's Church. The white colour building is the refurbished part of the whole place. There is also a statue of Father St. Paul but unfortunately I didn't got to capture the image of it. Sigh, what a lost.

Along our journey we saw some old English buildings which still maintain the historical value as well as looks of the olden English Colonial time. It should be a waste if the government doesn't do anything sooner to keep those historical sights and pretty soon the next few generations won't even know how does the town looks like before independance.

I should say that Malacca is a really nice place to visit, to explore the culture and heritage of our country, and also learn how to treasure the historical value of our country. Below are some other footage which I managed to capture and to share here.

changes, will they be benificial or the other way?

2007-12-17T17:18:00.000+08:00

I will be undergoing some changes REAL soon. What am I referring to? Well these changes are from various aspects. I won't be revealing them until it has been done, and honestly speaking, I do feel kinda weird as These changes are not far away from me now. Of course, if those changes are the ones that I myself want, definitely I won't feel weird. But the others which I didn't really expect them to occur so fast, I don't really know if I can coupe with them. And seriously, there's only one thing in my mind which is I really hope that these changes are for the better, not the worse.

what a day...

2007-12-13T10:25:00.001+08:00

i was dry of money last night when i left my girlfriend's place heading home, then i thought of going to the bank to draw out some cash so that i can pump in petrol to my car. unfortunately, the bank's ATM machine was shut off, then i have no choice but to drive home slowly, hoping that the gas won't be used up. as i was reaching the junction to turn into federal highway, i found out that the exit was blocked! i had to take another alternative way back home, which is by using the outer ring road, which requires me to pay toll. i took the freeway, beeped my Touch & Go card, and headed back home. when i reached the exit toll which will lead to my house, i beeped the card again and my goodness the stupid machine took all my money!! i asked the person on duty what was the problem and he told me that i was on penalty as i didn't beep my card at the earlier toll. i told him that i did, if not i wouldn't have gone over to this side by now.. he said that i can only go to the office to check on the failure the next morning. god damn it!! i tought the Touch & Go system is suppose to give us conveniencity? what happened now? it is so freakin' troublesome!!! and it took all my credits in the card away! jesus!!

meditation period

2007-12-06T13:35:00.000+08:00

I have been working non-stop for the past 2 weeks, without any off days. Finally I get to rest a little before I start congesting my mind with next year's projects. Just right after the hectic period (2nd day, I think) I saw a forwarded e-Mail saying that the correspondences' point of contact will be me. Damn man?! I just got like a day or two to slack, and I am already reading e-Mails regarding next year's (which is 2008 in case if you didn't notice) project. Yes it is the Charity Book Drive again, which whoever that donates an amount of educational books, they are entitle to exchange biscuits. Luckily, the projects kicks off in February, which means I still have a little time to play around with the time line.
Yay! The company that i'm currently working in is organizing a company trip for staffs who has fulfilled a 1 year workin period. The trip is scheduled from the 21st of December to the 24th of December. Last year i heard that they went to Hong Kong. This year we're heading over to Bali. One of the places that I've always wanted to visit. Of course there are other places such at the western countries, Venice, Italy, and so on that I would love to visit one day.
It is true that I am a person who likes to go around to places that I've never been before, to exotic places that amazed me when I can only see through TV programmes like the Discovery Channel. Thoughout my life, I've only been to 2 places abroad, which is Bangkok when I was 3 or 4, and Singapore when I was 10. It has been 14 years since I last cross the Malaysian border. I'm really looking forward to this trip, at least I know how nice is Bali, since everyone that went there said that its really a nice place to visit.
I spoke to my uncle and aunt in the States through e-Mail recently, and got to know about Americans' lifestyle. It is seriously totally different from a typical Asian, or should I point it on Malaysian? How would it be if Malaysians can addapt the lifestyle of an American? Or at least LEARN from them so that our country can really grow, rather than moving forward still, but like an old timer tortoise who is aged. They went back to Ipoh, which is their hometown, and found out something extraordinay. And, the extraordinay thing is that Ipoh, is nothing much different from when they left Malaysia for their studies in the States. The only difference is that there are more tar roads, more housing area, couple of new shopping complexes and hotels, nothng else. How are we suppose to race with the society when nothing has been improved? Well I know that some of you who are reading this right now feels that I'm an ass, a jerk who doesn't know how to respect his own country. Well I do, in fact I'm facing the fact rather than trying not to face it. How often do we see things are completed in our country? Lets just talk about tar roads. There are too many HOLES and nobody gave a damn to it. How are we gonna grow like this?
Gosh I think I should keep all these to myself rather than voicing out here.

tide is rising

2007-11-21T13:41:00.000+08:00

it is gonna be a busy week for me starting today, busy in the sense that i won't even have enough time to rest, to sleep, to go washroom, bla bla bla. why? because the Malaysian International Batik Festival in conjunction with the Kuala Lumpur International Batik Exhibition and Convention will be held at KLCC, KL Convention Centre, and also at Berjaya Times Square.
this event is a very good exposure for me towards my future career, and of course, networking. i can foresee that i'll become a panda wondering around the event area, haha.. but that's how things goes, sacrifice your personal time in order to earn more money. that's life, ain't it?
well, looking from another point of view, its a way for me to get myself a new 3G phone and also a cool laptop. my target is getting nearer. cool... at least i'll have things to do during the period of 9 days, excluding setups and dismantles which are another 3 days or more.
that's what events management is all about, you have fun while you work, you sleep while you work, you drink while you work, you eat while you work, and you slack while you work. after the whole day supervising at event site, you go back to the hotel and have a good shower and head straight to bed, that's enjoying. yeah okay, enough of my craps.. gotta act busy.. till then, ciao!

cyber world - the internet

2007-11-20T16:51:00.000+08:00

What can i say? the internet has evolved into another dimension, more that just a place to search for informations. years ago, the internet was a place for us to share and search for new ideas. now days, the internet is like a world far beyond reality. online communities, online games, blogs, and so on.
some people uses the internet wisely, where they don't misuse it. but others, tend to misuse the internet service, hacking into other people's servers and computers. i would say that the internet is cool, a cool place to hang out and to meet new friends, but use it wisely.